oh and by the way, here is a big FUCK YOU, to every girl that cheated on me and fucked me over! so yeah FUCK RIGHT OFF, YOU’RE A SHITTY HUMAN BEING!
see I got these issues, far too many to count, and there are absolutely no remedies. minor, short-term solutions, that only cause me to find myself in the same fucking place. I’m sick of it. most of you probably wont read this, and those who do probably won’t care. but this pain cuts far too deep, and I need a change. I need these things to be fixed. but like I said nothing fucking helps. I’m going crazy, fuck I am crazy, its been established. manic depression and schizophrenia fuck with me day in and day out, and that’s not even the least of the issues. I know I’ll forever be alone, born alone, die alone, no one would put up with me and honestly I wouldn’t put up with me either. I’m a fucking mess and nothing helps, and almost no one seems to care. so I’m left to deal with this on my own. I’m fucking sick and tired of all of this, I just want it to end, but it will all be with me until death. the darkness swallows me, I’m so far in I can see no light. do you know what its like to have the product of two grow inside one you thought you loved only to have it taken before birth, only in the “best interest” of ourselves? do you know what its like to lie awake at night wondering if what you’re hearing is real or in your head? do you know what its like to wonder if what just happened was a dream or reality? do you know what its like to live life in a dream state? or to have sadness and an extremely over joyed state come and go so fast that you don’t even know which you feel? Do you know what its like to not be able to tell dreams from reality? I cant take this anymore. none of it. and to add to it all, I’m alone through it. I keep these demons inside of me all day and all night. locked up tight so no one can see what’s eating me alive. I can’t keep it in any longer. this all will be the death of me. I now sit, alone, wondering what will come next. will it be joy? depression so dark that I can’t even move? will it be reality or a dream? or will the voices come again telling me all kinds of things. will I even know if I’m awake? I don’t expect any of you to understand any of this, I don’t even expect that any of you will read this far in, cause who honestly would care about a lost cause like me? this will soon be lost in the tumblr realm never to be read or even looked at again, and none of you will understand. or even care. as I sit, tired and broken, in this messy run down room, all I can wonder is what the fuck will come next, and will I get through it?